My daughter Linea wrote so eloquently in her blog (http://www.lineajohnson.blogspot.com/) about depression and shared a beautiful poem by Jane Kenyon. It resonated in my heart so strongly. As parents we also worried and dreaded and tried to intercept any down draft creeping in to grab our daughter. She and I went through times when I would wonder (and ask) if something was coming back. As an intuitive mom I had been so right in the past but as she moved toward recovery my worrying intuits would become hers and would do neither of us any good. As I wondered and checked to see if she was "okay" she wondered and worried that maybe I saw something that she hadn't.
I am very certain that she can handle anything that will come up and that she wants to live a safe and healthy life, doing all she can to make that happen. When I have little fingers of worry trying to sneak past my resolve to trust I remind myself that this is my own and familiar feelings of fear and worry not a sign of Linea’s current health. My anxieties about her were the adrenalin I needed to keep me going when I had to. Now I am finally in the same space that Linea’s writes about: should it return in full force rather than the ebbs and flows she now knows I trust that she can “handle it” and so can I.
Her dad and I talked about how frightening it was when we felt we were on the edge of something bad happening yet how much more terrifying it is for the person in the midst of the battle. Someone in a flare-up of a mental health condition may not have the ability to make the call for help. Families or friends may need to step in. Figuring out how to step back out is sometimes a tricky dance. Linea has come so far since her hospitalizations and been through so much but she is now managing her own life.
My job is to love and support her as she leads the way.
Painting by Jordan Swain, "You have my sympathies" http://www.jordanswain.com/