Treatment: All in the Family

Linea and I have been writing and speaking about treatment of mental health conditions during the month of April. Treatment includes many things - medications, counseling, life skills and life style, and family counseling and support. The importance of family support is critical. Please note that the definition of family may vastly differ from person to person and if there is not a biological family that can offer support I believe it is important that this is found somewhere else, perhaps through support groups, friends or peers. There is ample research out there that family support is a critical factor in the positive outcomes of people with mental illnesses. One of the most valuable pieces of advice I received during the time that Linea was the sickest was from a colleague and mental health professor at my university. He asked if we were in "family counseling" and if not, he suggested we should be. He said, "This time and what you do with it provides an opportunity for a stronger, more honest and loving family than you have ever had previously." He was right. What we learned from all of this is to do more of what we have always done. Honesty, laughter and love.

I have the two most wonderful daughters in the entire world. I know that most moms feel this way. When my first baby girl, Jordan, was born I was overwhelmed with the joy and love and tenderness that engulfed me. Linea, our second daughter, brought with her the same feelings. With a new baby one begins to know the deep, dark, hidden and sometimes not-so-hidden fear that something could go wrong, something could harm this small and precious soul entrusted to our care. Things do happen and my family continues to thrive and grow closer throughout the ups and downs of life. (picture: Mama, Jordan and Linea having fun "dressing up" for a family dinner)

One of the most terrifying times was when Linea first crashed into bipolar disorder. Hospitalizations, suicidal depressions, manias with overdoses, and more symptoms than I could have possibly imagined happening to my daughter happened. Yet we are all closer and more honest with each than before. There were times when Linea's dad and I were completely responsible for her life. We managed the hospitalizations, the medical insurance, the transition from hospital to home, the doctor appointments, the medications, the hours and hours of agony as she tried her hardest to get stable. Of course she did the hard work and she experienced the pain but we as a family shared it with her every step of the way as much as we possibly could. At one point I said to her, "You don't have to fight this anymore. Let me." She was too exhausted to keep herself safe. Slowly as she became stable we pulled back. She told me, "Mom, you do such a good job of taking care of me I am not sure I can do it myself." I knew that my job was now to help her become secure and independent in her ability to care for herself. We had long and honest discussions about this. We have a relationship built on previous years of honesty, laughter and love where I can ask her anything and she can tell me everything... or not. We trust each other. She can ask for my help when she needs it without feeling as if she were giving up control of her life again. I can ask her questions that may be from old worries yet she will talk with me about my fears. She is brave and she is honest. While I was giving her everything I could I was also seeing my own therapist. I needed a safe place to scream and cry and say, "It's not fair." I needed to be able to deal with my own PTSD of almost losing my daughter. I needed to remember the laughter and the quirkiness and the strength of our family. I needed to practice breathing.

 

Writing together, speaking and traveling together has only strengthened our trust, love and laughter. Our family has what some might define a unique sense of humor. Some of the experiences we have had with this illness definately makes us laugh. In general, life is funny, don't you think? There were many times and still are that a good laugh refreshes us, saves us and reminds us that we are just silly human beings trying our hardest to do our best and sometimes failing spectacularly. As one of the men in the psychiatric unit at the hospital said to Linea as she was preparing to leave, "Listen to the voices out there. They will help you." Hopefully those voices are family, whatever the definition, and family that loves you more than anything else in the world. (Picture: Mama reading to Linea)

                                                                                                                                                           

Suggestions to parents and others: If you haven't already done so, talk to your children about mental health. This should happen just like we teach our children about physical health and harder topics like sexuality. Open the door to the opportunity for them to tell you about their own thoughts, concerns and fears. If you need a support group check ot BringChange2Mind, the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation, NAMI and SAMHSA.