It's All in Your Head!

Are people more willing to pay to avoid physical illness than mental illness? The study might surprise you! I have been so busy with my daughter's and my book, released May 8th (Perfect Chaos - St. Martin's Press, 2012)! I haven't blogged much so thought I would share an article in which I interviewed with the author, Reyanne Weaver. It is a rather long article but I think also very interesting. Take a look at EmpowHer. It's not until the second page that I FINALLY get to give my opinion so if you are interested, keep reading!!

An excerpt, "“Neighbors and friends rally around someone with breast cancer while the doctors determine which treatment option is best based on sophisticated diagnostics,” Johnson said. “I do not believe the same level of support exists for a woman who is hiding in her home battling the overwhelming [effects] of depression.”

Fighting the Good Fight: When Insurance Won't Cover Vital Treatment

Here is a blog I wrote for my good friends at The Balanced Mind. If you haven't visited this wonderful resource, do so! The blog is a long one but it was a long "fight"!

I said that once the fight was over I would write about it. It is not quite finished, but, close enough! I was newly invigorated to write this when NBC Nightly News aired a piece recently on eating disorders and boys. The final comments included what parents should take note of and the caveat, “you may have to fight your insurance for coverage”. Well, yes. And fight we did. Here is the short version of a very long story and a two inch file.

My daughter was diagnosed with an eating disorder, and, after an evaluation, the recommendation was a 30-day partial in-patient treatment program at $1,000.00 per day. You can do the math. Our insurance company approved this treatment plan, but after careful research and discussion with the psychiatrist and psychologist, an out-patient wraparound team approach was developed. This included treatment from her psychiatrist, psychologist, eating disorder (E.D.) specialist and a nutritionist; as well as a significant commitment from family to eat every meal together for at least the first month. Linea met with her psychologist and E.D. specialist once a week. She met with her nutritionist twice a week for the first few weeks and then once a week. The insurance company covered three treatments from the nutritionist and then denied coverage. Why, you ask? It is the policy of the insurance company to cover THREE visits with a nutritionist in a lifetime. Yes, you read this correctly. 

If she had been in the in-patient treatment program, she would have seen the nutritionist once or twice a day for 30 days. The insurance company would have covered that. When asked why they wouldn’t cover the outpatient treatment from a nutritionist they replied, “We don’t have the codes.” Oh my! I was so irritated. After discussion with Linea (and her approval) I submitted an appeal to our insurance company with the following:

1. A table comparing the approved partial in-patient treatment ($30,000) with 30 days of outpatient treatment ($7,000), itemizing the costs of each treatment professional. As well, I compared the cost of 30 days of hospitalization if she did not receive treatment.

2. A letter from her psychiatrist referring to American Psychiatric Association guidelines, which state that eating disorders cannot be treated without a nutritionist.

3. A letter from the past president of the American Eating Disorders Association and her treating E.D. specialist stating the same, as well as the risk of long term treatment without the participation of a nutritionist.

4. A letter from her psychologist stating the same, and her opinion that the outpatient program would be successful, ultimately costing the insurance company less than the partial in-patient 30 day treatment program.

The appeal was denied. Reason (in case I missed it the first time): "The insurance policy provides coverage for only three lifetime visits to a nutritionist". "But", they wrote, I could "go to a second appeal". Okay, yes I will.

The second appeal, which supposedly went to medical personnel this time, rather than clerical, included all of the above and more documentation of the research on eating disorders, as well as letters that spoke of the disparity of services. Second appeal: denied. They wrote that I could talk to my Human Resources office. Okay, yes I will. By then, I was not going to let this go. After 3 months, at $110 per visit, it was adding up. More than that, it was discrimination, and it was offensive. The insurance company was overriding the treatment plan of my daughter’s doctor. Eating disorders are life-threatening. Recovery is possible with research-based treatment.

I approached the director of compensation and benefits in the HR office at my work place. Again, with permission from and discussion with my daughter, I provided him with the packet of information, and I added an additional letter. I compared treatment from a nutritionist for a person diagnosed with an E.D. to providing physical therapy to a person recovering from a stroke. THREE visits per lifetime??? I added, “I am very committed to assuring that people with mental illnesses receive the coverage and care they need as comparable to those with 'physical illnesses', even though we know that mental illnesses are a brain disorder and therefore are 'physical'. Thank you for supporting this and joining me in 'walking the talk' of social justice.”

The response from the HR director was, “My conclusion is that the nutritionist portion of the treatment plan described in (the psychiatrist’s) letter is eligible for coverage under the University’s PPO medical plan. We judge these services to be medically necessary. Our office will instruct (the insurance company) to take necessary steps to reprocess claims submitted by the nutritional therapist, and to prepare the claim system to accept future related claims that are submitted according to the same treatment plan.”

Of course, there was one more roadblock to slow us down. All the invoices had to be resubmitted, and since these were already paid for, I had to send invoices showing this. The reimbursements were processed again, one-by-one and very slowly, with checks sent to the nutritionist, who then had to run these through her business and send me a check. You can see why most people just give up. I would guess that most young people in the midst of an illness like this would not be able to fight this system. Hopefully, there are family and friends that they can ask to help and that can push back at the health care system.

The entire process took over a year to resolve. I am still waiting for the last two reimbursements. I had no idea that my HR director could assist with this. I had no idea how much effort, time and documents it would take. Please share your experiences of seeking and getting the coverage that your child deserves. Help those who can’t figure this out on their own. Together we can make a difference.

Finding Peace

Parents often don’t have time to reflect (or treat) the toll their child's illness is taking on them. Mom and/or dad are too busy trying to manage medical treatment, the emotional impact on siblings and other family members, and one-on-one care for their child. When a child or adolescent has a mental health crisis, it affects the entire family.

As a parent of a child who has been critically ill with a mental health disorder, have you experienced any of these symptoms? Read more at The Balanced Mind.

It Was More Than Teen Angst...

Depression affects students of all academic levels, social positions and economic statuses.
Depression in children and teenagers has devastating impact on the crucial stages of social, emotional and cognitive development, with far-reaching and negative impact on these young lives.

One in five young people have some sort of mental health condition; one in eight has a serious depression.

Despite these daunting statistics, a mere 30% of these students receive any sort of intervention or treatment. The other 70% simply struggle through the pain, doing their best to make it to adulthood. If this were the case with child and adolescent cancer there would be an outcry from the public.

I know these statistics well. I know that educators have a unique opportunity to recognize and support students struggling with depression yet often are either unaware or simply aren’t sure of the severity or need for intervention and therefore do nothing. Parents may well be in the same camp. Is it “teenage angst”? Growing pains? Typical of a child who may be in the middle of a family crisis? A young person having problems with friends, feeling left out or deserted?

My daughter’s depression snuck into her life during her high school years (if not before) and even though I was teaching about depression to graduate level students, I did not recognize it for what it was: severe, life changing, and needing intense treatment. Yes, I knew she was anxious and sad and confused about her friends and their own issues. I knew she worried about where and what life would hold after she graduated from high school.

I was concerned enough to talk her into seeing a psychiatrist and therapist. Both diagnosed her with depression. The very words “clinical depression” startled me. She was still getting high grades in college preparatory course, participating and excelling in piano and voice as a young musician and keeping up with her friends and activities. She spent a few months taking an anti-depressant and then, unbeknownst to me, dumped the remainders down the toilet. We spent hours talking and she cried and she said she felt better and then she worried and then she thanked me for listening to her. We all assumed it was “situational”. Whatever the cause, it was depression.

I have had a unique opportunity to reflect on this as I was working my way through the final edits of the book that I wrote with my daughter, Linea. Her work is “real time” journals written in the midst of her depressions. As I read her words and mine I thought about what I should have done differently and eventually thought about what I did well, from a mother’s perspective, not a professional’s.

There were a couple of things I would have done differently but they are both big ones.
I assumed she knew that if she did not like the first therapist she saw she could go to another one. She didn’t know this. And if she did it would have been very difficult for her to change therapists or doctors without a lot of support from me. She didn’t know she could, she didn’t know how and she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

I would have been much more cautious about her depression and encouraged (harassed? forced?) her to continue under a doctor’s treatment for much, much longer. As she says now, “Everyone benefits from a therapist!”

I think I did a couple of things right and Linea certainly contributed and taught me many things during our journey. We had and continue to have a very honest relationship. I know she didn’t tell me everything and it was only after reading her journals that I knew how severely depressed she was but she did talk to me about her worries and fears. I tried to never be judgmental or shocked by anything she told me or anything I read. I always trusted her to do the best she could and I always believed in her fierce desire to be well but I eventually realized that the depression was way beyond what she was able to handle on her own. It just took me too long.

My knowledge and understanding of the research and treatments for depression have shifted due to my personal experiences as a mother as well as a daughter of beautiful and strong women who battle depression. Depression is a brain disorder. Yes, there is situational depression but this, too, can turn into a depression that changes the thinking process, messes with memory, pushes away friends and family, causes physical symptoms and, as my mother says, is “more painful than any physical pain” she has ever experienced. And she has experienced much physical pain in her lifetime. I spent too much time trying to manage and “fix” the environment around Linea rather than helping her find the treatment to fix the illness going on in her brain.

I am thrilled with the Balanced Mind’s new partnership with Erika’s Lighthouse. I am moved and inspired by the voices of the young people featured on the videos. I encourage all of you to share with others and take full advantage of the webinars, resources and materials available about depression. Let’s make sure that our young people who have depression receive treatment and that everyone knows the symptoms and where to seek treatment for depression. Depression is treatable. Untreated depression is deadly.

Posted on The Balanced Mind blog.

Help Children and Youth with Bipolar Disorder: Just a Minute

I spent a few days in New York City recently and met some amazing women who have changed the world in small and big ways. I was there to meet with our editor as well as attend some events for mental health advocacy. The evenings were spent talking with women who "get" what it means to have a critically ill child. There was also much laughter amongst many the tears. I am inspired once again to continue working towards better lives for children and adolescents who have mental illnesses and their families who are with them every day. One mom had just put her son in a psychiatric hospital for a suicidal overdose. Another mother's adolescent was on the verge of hospitalization and in that frightening time when the family is responsible for keeping her safe and determining what to do next. Another mother had a small moment of relief because her young child had become stable enough to stay home with only one parent to keep watch, allowing Mom to go to New York. In addition to full time care of their children, their jobs, other family members and much, much more, ALL OF THESE MOMS SUPPORT OTHER FAMILIES! One mother started a national response team for families of children with mental illnesses. One directs a large national program for research and support for young adults and children with mental illness. One manages a large volunteer organization dedicated to providing support and resources. Every woman at this table is directly involved in supporting children with mental illnesses and their families. Every woman has personal experience with these illnesses in their own families. All answer phone calls and emails and cries for help each and every day (and night and late at night). National mental health organizations were started by such women. The work continues every single day. These women are brilliant, capable, loving, dedicated and more often than not, exhausted.

One such organization is the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation. This organization is in the running for $250,000.00 from the Pepsi Refresh Challenge. Scroll down and check out the video (made by a mom with help from her daughter!). Then VOTE for these kids and their moms. The work this organization does changes countless lives, supports thousands of families and continues to push for more research and support for the millions of children with mental illnesses. Voting takes only minutes from your life (and you won't be on anyone's spam list). Mental illnesses takes huge amounts of time away from the lives of these children and their families. Vote if you are a dad, a friend, a co-worker, a young person or anyone else. Vote in solidarity with these brave, resourceful and dedicated woman.

What WERE we thinking?

One day after Linea's graduation we received an offer from a major book publisher for our book. WOW!! We were and still are ecstatic! First came the news from our agent that the editor wanted to talk to us. Two working days later we received an offer from the publisher and after a couple of days of back and forth with our agent we accepted it. We were both completely excited and the whole thing seemed impossibly surreal. The book proposal went into submission the week of June 1st and we received the offer the next week. Our agent told us the speed of this was quite unbelievable particularly in this current market but we attribute it to her ability to push us further and further with a better, more concise and compelling proposal. The excitement continues but the first night (very late into the night, actually) it hit me. This is the real thing. Our book will be published. In stores and on bookshelves across the nation and perhaps beyond. What WERE we thinking? Suddenly I was insecure. The "what if's" flew like bats into my bedroom and into my worrying mind. What if we had bad reviews? What would a negative comment do to my daughter? What if my colleagues thought I was not "academic" enough by sharing a very personal memoir of a devastating illness? I hadn't had such small (what about the cover??) and long-range (what will my grandchildren think about this twenty years from now?) worries since I the births of my two daughters. Around and around my mind went until finally it settled on trust in our work, our agent, our editor and the world at large. We are committed to sharing our story with continued efforts to increasing understanding and support for people with mental illnesses and their families and to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness that adds another layer of pain to these illnesses. What a journey!

Empowerment!

Self-determination is incredibly important for the success of children and adolescents with or without disabilities as they move into adult life. I like this defination, "the ability to identify and achieve goals based on a foundation of knowing and valuing oneself" (Field & Hoffman). I teach my graduate students the importance of self-determination but these last few months I have been thinking about the next step beyond self-determination: empowerment and advocacy skills. These skills can be used to change inequalities, stigma and misconceptions about disabilities but also can be extremely positive for the individual. I have watched this occur over the last four years with my daughter Linea. From my perspective, the first part of her journey was to accept and acknowlege her diagnosis of bipolar disorder with a few steps forward and some backwards as she learned to manage a chronic illness. She has written about this journey in her blog. Eventually and sometimes simultaneously, she began to know and value herself in this new reality. She moved toward identifying and achieving her goals which included a strong commitment toward social justice. The memories of the inequalities we witnessed in the mental health system strongly influenced her. It has been amazing to watch her find her voice and to use her power. As she joins a large and national movement to eliminate the stigma of mental illness and assure understanding, support and resources for others she has become confident and powerful yet has maintained her humility and kindness. (Check out her post as a writer on the BringChange2Mind blog.)

The National Empowerment Center actually conducted research on the definition of empowerment in the mental health world. It includes 15 qualities of empowerment. An example of just 5 of the 15 include: 1. decision making power, 2. access to information, 3. feeling part of a group, 4. changing others' perceptions of one's competency and capacity to act, and 5. change that is never ending and self-initiated. Linea demonstrates all 15 of the qualities defined in this research. I am not sure how she moved from the initial diagnosis to empowerment. It is certainly a developmental process and support, resources, opportunities and her own temperaments and brillliance likely figure into this. Although not everyone has these opportunities I do believe we should ensure that all of our young people (and others) have the opportunity to be not only self-determined but empowered within their own lives and in their communities. This occurs through small, individual changes with a big impact on the world at large!

Treatment: All in the Family

Linea and I have been writing and speaking about treatment of mental health conditions during the month of April. Treatment includes many things - medications, counseling, life skills and life style, and family counseling and support. The importance of family support is critical. Please note that the definition of family may vastly differ from person to person and if there is not a biological family that can offer support I believe it is important that this is found somewhere else, perhaps through support groups, friends or peers. There is ample research out there that family support is a critical factor in the positive outcomes of people with mental illnesses. One of the most valuable pieces of advice I received during the time that Linea was the sickest was from a colleague and mental health professor at my university. He asked if we were in "family counseling" and if not, he suggested we should be. He said, "This time and what you do with it provides an opportunity for a stronger, more honest and loving family than you have ever had previously." He was right. What we learned from all of this is to do more of what we have always done. Honesty, laughter and love.

I have the two most wonderful daughters in the entire world. I know that most moms feel this way. When my first baby girl, Jordan, was born I was overwhelmed with the joy and love and tenderness that engulfed me. Linea, our second daughter, brought with her the same feelings. With a new baby one begins to know the deep, dark, hidden and sometimes not-so-hidden fear that something could go wrong, something could harm this small and precious soul entrusted to our care. Things do happen and my family continues to thrive and grow closer throughout the ups and downs of life. (picture: Mama, Jordan and Linea having fun "dressing up" for a family dinner)

One of the most terrifying times was when Linea first crashed into bipolar disorder. Hospitalizations, suicidal depressions, manias with overdoses, and more symptoms than I could have possibly imagined happening to my daughter happened. Yet we are all closer and more honest with each than before. There were times when Linea's dad and I were completely responsible for her life. We managed the hospitalizations, the medical insurance, the transition from hospital to home, the doctor appointments, the medications, the hours and hours of agony as she tried her hardest to get stable. Of course she did the hard work and she experienced the pain but we as a family shared it with her every step of the way as much as we possibly could. At one point I said to her, "You don't have to fight this anymore. Let me." She was too exhausted to keep herself safe. Slowly as she became stable we pulled back. She told me, "Mom, you do such a good job of taking care of me I am not sure I can do it myself." I knew that my job was now to help her become secure and independent in her ability to care for herself. We had long and honest discussions about this. We have a relationship built on previous years of honesty, laughter and love where I can ask her anything and she can tell me everything... or not. We trust each other. She can ask for my help when she needs it without feeling as if she were giving up control of her life again. I can ask her questions that may be from old worries yet she will talk with me about my fears. She is brave and she is honest. While I was giving her everything I could I was also seeing my own therapist. I needed a safe place to scream and cry and say, "It's not fair." I needed to be able to deal with my own PTSD of almost losing my daughter. I needed to remember the laughter and the quirkiness and the strength of our family. I needed to practice breathing.

 

Writing together, speaking and traveling together has only strengthened our trust, love and laughter. Our family has what some might define a unique sense of humor. Some of the experiences we have had with this illness definately makes us laugh. In general, life is funny, don't you think? There were many times and still are that a good laugh refreshes us, saves us and reminds us that we are just silly human beings trying our hardest to do our best and sometimes failing spectacularly. As one of the men in the psychiatric unit at the hospital said to Linea as she was preparing to leave, "Listen to the voices out there. They will help you." Hopefully those voices are family, whatever the definition, and family that loves you more than anything else in the world. (Picture: Mama reading to Linea)

                                                                                                                                                           

Suggestions to parents and others: If you haven't already done so, talk to your children about mental health. This should happen just like we teach our children about physical health and harder topics like sexuality. Open the door to the opportunity for them to tell you about their own thoughts, concerns and fears. If you need a support group check ot BringChange2Mind, the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation, NAMI and SAMHSA.                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

There's a Crack in Everything

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
(Leonard Cohen, Anthem)

This post is dedicated to every single young person diagnosed with a mental health condition. I love the video that some kids created just "walking around in the muddy springtime filming dirt and generally looking goofy". I just love the creativeness and wisdom and general "goofiness" of youth. Please take a minute and listen to the words of Cohen's Anthem and watch the video produced by "Mahiwi".

The light came in with thunder and lightening and all things scary when my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have written about diagnosis before with suggestions for families and friends. One step removed from my personal experiences. Diagnosis is always tricky with any illness. The frightening part of it is the "wait and see". With bipolar disorder it is unnerving in many ways. Wait for a mania that can spin you out of control. Then wait for another one. Wait for a deep dark depression that can send you into a suicidal loop from which you cannot return on your own. Wait and see, wait and see. Try these meds, no these, no these. Whoops, these didn't work so well. Must not be just depression. And then there are all the feelings a parent goes through with the stages of grief from denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Like the "poles" of bipolar these can come on top of one another or in completely unpredictable sequences. My own story coupled with Linea's provided me with first hand experience of these steps.

Denial. Hell, no, this is not bipolar! (whoops, was that anger?) No, we had seen nothing of mania. Yes, a severe, severe, depresson. No mania. Let it not be bipolar. That is a horrible "label". Read the papers. Crazy people have this diagnosis. This CANNOT be.

Anger. For me this took on the, "It's not fair" persona. This daughter didn't deserve this. She had done nothing to deserve this. Her life was going forward as she had planned and she had worked so very hard to get there. NOT FAIR. I know this is a western way of thinking. More than half of the world thinks the opposite. When something good happens they wonder, "Why me?" But still. Not on my watch. Oh yes, and there was that one time I yelled at my husband, Linea's dad. "I am doing the best I can!!!"

Bargaining. I really got into this one. I actually said, many, many times: PLEASE God or whomever, PLEASE give this to me. I can deal with it. She is only 19 years old. I can just go away somewhere and fight the good fight and win or lose but not her. PLEASE give it to me.

Depression. I will go see a therapist with you, daughter. I personally do not need this because I am a professional. I know this stuff. Whoops. Inside of me was a sad, broken little girl who was so very frightened and so unsure of what to do. I was supposed to be the mom. I knew things yet I couldn't fix it.

Acceptance. The crack let the light in. This illness has cracked open a deeper love and honesty in our family that we could have ever expected. We were a close family before but things have changed. Deepened. Strengthened. We are stronger. Broken pipes? Unexpected bills? Disappointments? Sorry, we have stood toe to toe with much worse. We almost lost our daughter. More than once. We are grateful. We are appreciative. We love deeper and stronger and although we certainly forget at times, we appreciate every minute of health and happiness.

I was going to write a blog on the diagnosis of bipolar disorder in adolescents and young adults. My thoughts took me in a different direction. I hope that you are not disappointed and that somehow this touches you. Thank you for reading. I love you Linea! Thank you for letting the light in. (You, too, Jordan of my heart!)

My Story

We (the daughter and I) have decided to make February a month of sharing stories to fight stigma. So, along with our newly posted video on YouTube we are going to start sharing our stories and learnings on our blogs, starting conversations about it on our Facebook and Myspace site and commenting on it on our Twitter page. So, visit us, chat with us, and learn with us. Here is a piece of a very long story...

I had lost a brother to suicide. I knew to keep careful watch on my children’s mental health. I was qualified to do so. I dedicated 10 years of my life formally studying child and adolescent disability, and emotional and behavioral disorders in bachelors’, masters’ and doctoral programs. I have a vast amount of knowledge based on education, research and experience in the field of “transition services” for youth with disabilities. In other words, I know stuff. I have spent hours and hours teaching and working with kids who are failing in every aspect of their life. I have talked to parents as the wise woman who offered words of support and advice. I teach educators and school psychologists and school counselors as a professor in a graduate program. I teach them the skills to assess, educate and support children and adolescents with disabilities. I thought I knew a thing or two. I was not prepared.

Life was moving along and I was in a good space five years ago. Our youngest daughter, Linea, was off to college to study classical music performance and our oldest daughter was happily married and developing her own business in the world of art. My husband and I were ready to experience the empty nest. I didn’t know enough. I was not prepared.
Less than two years later I was flying back from Chicago one more time and I was crying. I sat in my seat and without making a sound the tears ran down my face over Minnesota, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho and Washington. Why now? We had brought Linea home from college with a severe depression. She was hospitalized less than two months later. She was suicidal, she was non-responsive to medications, she was ill beyond my wildest imagination and all the training and education and wisdom that I might have thought I possessed seemed worthless. She dug her way up and out of that depression but to a flat and grey place. She was back in school nine months later. And then she was hospitalized again. Her meds were changed. Her treatment plan was all consuming. She went back to school after each set-back and she continued to talk to me with honesty and love and a dim spark to be well and to live.

I had not let go through all the days and nights of this battle. Her dad and sister and our family spent those months in a place of hell but I fought with all my might to keep her alive. On that flight home from Chicago after she was finally back in school it hit me hard that I could not fix her pain. I couldn’t stop her thoughts or change what she did with those thoughts. I couldn’t be with her every minute and I couldn’t get into her brain and chase the terrorizing illness away. I could be there for her and I could be physically with her but I could not be in her. This was her battle and we could only support her in that fight. We could bring her home from college, we could hospitalize her and we could find the very best doctors in two cities more than 2,000 apart from each other but I could not keep her safe every minute of every day. I felt panic and terror. I sat in my seat for the five and a half hour flight and I thought and thought about this. I went around and around in my head and finally settled on my trust in her. Hadn’t she proven herself a valiant fighter? Hadn’t she asked for our help to hold her and be with her and stay close to her when she was near losing the battle? By the time the plane landed I had it figured out in my own mind. All I wanted was for Linea to find peace and happiness. I wanted her sense of humor and her excitement and joy in living to surround us all. I let go of my fear of her and me and our family being judged by others and…I let go of my pride. I know that everyone who truly loves Linea would not judge her. I am even prouder of Linea than of her gifts. I am humbled by her strength. I can breathe. Perhaps our story will offer hope to even one family.


"self-portrait" taken in hotel bathroom,
(presenting at conference in Savannah)

Letting Go Yoga Style

I have been practicing yoga on a somewhat regular basis, even after teaching class until 7:00 p.m. Good for me, finally! I am so tired after working/teaching/writing/advising/talking/ administrating/ all day that I can easily put off getting into my car, driving to the studio, changing clothes and doing the work that is required of me to be in class. But every time I make the effort I leave class feeling SO much better. (I know this is a luxury and one that would be near impossible if I still had small children at home.) I thought I would share something that we did the other night that really struck me as more than just "yoga" but rather a life lesson. Yoga and the meditation involved provides lots of ah-hah moments anyway but this was particularly profound, at least to me. I hope I can properly explain what we did. Starting from a child's pose or balasana (legs tucked under and pointing behind, head forward onto the floor) we then placed a blanket roll between our abdomen and thighs. The leader told us that it would feel "somewhat" uncomfortable, perhaps even slightly painful. This would occur as our abdominal organs were moved into a different space, forcing a release of toxins. Here is the best part! IF we could simply notice the "uncomfortable-ness" but not resist, it would soon subside and we would begin to relax and feel centered. My body was initially very tense and, as our instructor noted, afraid it would be hurt so it was in "protection mode" and staying on high alert. It was so true and quite amazing that as I relaxed, and noticed but didn't fight against the stress, it felt so good. An ANALOGY for life I think. We resist things that we automatically think will hurt us, we tense our bodies and our minds. We can't quite "let go" and trust. The more deliberately we try to release and relax the harder it is to do so but if we just notice our feelings and sit with it, slowly we begin to let go and the pain is released. We feel easier and more centered. This is very hard to do with life but likely, as with yoga, easier with practice.

Do something for yourself today!

It is almost the week-end and I have been working non-stop. The cold and flu season is sneaking up on us as it always does this time of year. It coincides with the university quarter system which means that we are halfway through and students are stressing out over mid-terms, term projects and papers, late nights and early mornings. I am proposing that any of you that read this post join me for a "mid-term" break of at least one hour today, Friday (don't wait until Saturday!) to take care of yourself. I am remembering my trip to Nicaragua. The picture was taken at the experimental farm outside of Matagalpa. The land had been completely stripped by poor farming methods. The amazing Nicaraguans working here have slowly and steadily returned the land to its glory. The jungle, the plants and even the howler monkeys returned to their home. It takes nurturning. A little bit every day. Go have tea in a coffee shop with a good book. Take a walk (under an umbrella if you are in Seattle) and look at the colors on the trees. Be alone. Don't talk. Pet your dog. Go home for lunch and soak in the tub for an hour. If you live in the city go to the nearest park and people watch. If you live in the country go outdoors and sit quietly until you notice all the life around you. Turn off your phone, don't read your email, close out all the requests and complaints and whines coming at you. If you are home with babies, do not clean/make dinner/pick up toys/ or run errands with baby in the car seat. Take just one hour and breathe. We all need to refresh ourselves...and keep breathing after we leave our "hour". Join me and if you take this challenge, tell me what you did for yourself!